talking about unrequited love..angst
there she comes, i’m waving to her, and she is smiling at me. not an automatic heartless smile she usually do, a genuine happy smile, a smile that she only show to me. she said we only gonna go for dinner as usual, nothing special, but when we arrived at her favorite restaurant, i know its not going to be just “usual” dinner.
i am not feeling well that night, but still i can’t resist her request … i never could. just like when she insist that we should sit outside so we can enjoy the night view better, despite my slightly feverish body demand me to sit inside, where its warmer, no… i can’t say no. i could never say no to Watanabe Mayu.
as the waitress come, i ordered a glass of water, but she canceling my order, saying tonight we should drink until morning. so she ordered a champagne instead . I take a look at her face, her favorite restaurant.. a champagne.. i know her too well to know where is this all going.
a bucket of ice, with a champagne inside, come not long after. she proposed a toast, i filled my glass with a bit of champagne, but she pout cutely and ask me to drink up more, so yes i do, even thou every drop of that cold sour liquid burning my throat, to see her smile , yes…. i do.
I accompany her finishing her first glass.. .and her second… and her third. and there she come, her head bent down, her lips tilted, and tears start falling from the corner of her eyes.
“… whats wrong?” yes i know her too well, i know this would come. i know this would be one of that night again, where she would tell me about Milky, and how she hurt her hearth again…. and i will sit here … listening to her for the rest of the night… just like many nights before.
“i had enough of her !! she doesn’t even care of me!! ” you start bawling, and there i go again, i take your cold hand into mine, warming it up, calming you down.
“you remember two days ago when i catch a fever??! i was so dizzy i could not even move.. i was all alone ! all i want is just for her to come. but she just said she is busy! she don’t love me Yukirin! she never did !”
im patting her hand gently, yes.. i remember that night
it was midnight when i got your text.. saying you catch a fever. so i was rushing to your place, my car was run out of gas, it was raining hard, but I’m too worried to wait for a taxi. your place not that far, so i take my raincoat.. and run there instead.
I drenched with rain when i found you laying weakly in your couch, the rain just too heavy for my thin rain coat, but who cares, you where laying there, not even able to answer my voice back, i help you take a medicine that i bought in a hurry on my way, and lift you up to your bed.
you breathing heavily, i was worried so much.. i end up staying watch you sleeping all night. forgot that my clothes are totally wet, and that i am weak with cold my self.
the sun already shine when you finally breathing normally, and your face looks calmer, i check your body temperature, your fever has gone, ceased all my worries. i left a glass of water beside your bed before i go, just in case you are thirsty when you wake up.
“..yes i remember.. maybe she really was busy” i smile to you
“thats it !! thats it! i have enough with her!” you cried, and it broke my hearth to see your tears “if she really loves me.. she would come! no matter how busy she is! no matter how late it was !” i just look at you, and patting your hand gently, thats when your phone ringing, you look at it, and i know you too well.. i know you too well to read it from your face who it is on the other line.
I loosen my grip on your hand …and averting my eyes to the candle light on the table
“no i won’t !!.. yes i am mad at you!!”
its really cold that night, and I’m start to feel dizzy, i just tighten my blazer, i can hear you angry, crying, yelling to your phone, and after a while.. i can hear you calmed down.. i know you will.
“you stupid…stupid ” i can see your sweet smile now, blooming while you wipe your tears
“eh .. you want to meet me right now? but right now …” you throw a troubled look at me… i just smiling at you, and nod.
“..okay.. ill see you in a while” you put your phone off and smile brightly “i’m sorry Yukirin, it was Milky… she apologize.. and want to meet me”
“yeah.. i know.. just go ” i forced a smile
“hehe.. thank you Yukirin! you are the best friend i ever had !”
“yeah *cough*” after struggling so hard. at the end, i cannot hold my cough anymore
“are you sick?” you look surprised
“not really *cough**cough*”
“… is it because you came to my house when its raining the other night?”
you look at the cold champagne, and my shivering body when the night cold wind blowing
“Yuki why–” but then your phone ringing again.. and from your face..again.. i know who it’s from
so i give you my best smile “just go.. she is waiting for you isn’t she”
You throw a worried glance to me once again, but still you stand up, and go. i watch your back as you walk away.
as soon as i finished my work. i came back to check how are you. i bough you a chicken porridge that you like, and some fruits, but you just busy checking your phone. i know whose text you are waiting, so i just put it in the table beside your bed, beside a glass of water that i put last night, a glass that still full of water. after all… you are not noticing that it was there all the time for you.
*end of flash back*
your happiness is my happiness, your sadness is my sadness, we shared everything … except love.. but i cannot leave you alone…i’ve tried.. I’ve tried so many times..but i can’t… in the end ..i will always there for you.. i know i will.
i throw my head up.. so the tears there won’t fall down. yes i know this night.. just another night like many before. i called the waitress.. and order a glass of water.
nb : some of the scene are inspired by my favorite book called recto verso by dee