other link to video (http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x4me9vp)
The rain drops tapping a steady rhythm on the window, slowly waken the solemn Ace of SKE48 from her slumber.
AKB48 special Van running smoothly under the pouring rain, Matsui Jurina are inside, even after decide to be a full time SKE, the young ace still have loads of jobs with the mother group as one of the kami7.
Jurina try back to sleep, but then cursing herself for choosing an empty seat just in front of the two AKB queen, the mayuki-as always- are currently deep in their own world and keep giggling to each other. J
urina put her earphone to block those two love birds noisy tweets, and play a song from her phone, but the song not just failed to help the SKE ace back to sleep, it also sway Jurina minds away, wondering across the pouring rain outside, to a certain memory, of a certain someone that keep shadowing her thought whenever she find herself alone
Her name, is Matsui Rena
Jurina was eleven when they first meet,
Matsui rena practically the first name she remember on the audition day of SKE48, this Rena girl has shared the same last name with hers.
Jurina remember how then she eyeing the girl who eat alone in the corner, while Jurina herself, having something like a lunch party on her table with all members that attracted right away to her magnetic persona.
Jurina kindly invite the girl who happen to be 6 years older, the girl- not even looking- just refuse politely, and continue eating her lunch alone in the corner
‘what a strange girl’ has became Jurina first impression on the one named Matsui Rena
not long after, Jurina found out the “freak unsocial girl” has assigned to shared Jurina sole center position into double center, double center? what is that?? and from all members, why it has to be that plain introverted girl?
Jurina couldn’t be more skeptical, moreover after several training session later, the young SKE ace found out her supposed to be other half center, not only very bad at dancing, almost cant sing, but also has a very little stamina that she had fall occasionally during their harsh dance training
Jurina have a plan to make ske48 the best idol group in the world, and that plan would never come true with a double center that half limp.
Jurina decide to push away all the social barrier the other girl try to put between them, and start pushing her thought and ideas regarding their routine, to her surprise, matsui Rena, is very thoughtful and highly intelligent.
Days passed, Jurina also find how the other matsui is a very hard working individual, she might lack of idol talents to begin with, but there is no doubt that she work 10x harder than anyone else
Jurina know it, as the young girl has witness countless time the older matsui fall down in the dressing room after their harsh routine, struggling with her aching body.
Just watching how hard Rena gritted her teeth, Jurina could perfectly imagine how hurt it must be, but the older matsui would always refuse any help, slapping her own face, and then back to their routine like nothing happen
Jurina did not miss how the older matsui also a very caring person, and turn out to be… inhumanly cute.
Jurina has found a new hobby to kiss other member, and so she never think much when she mischiefly stole the other matsui first kiss. one reason why Jurina like to kiss, is because she like to see how the other react after she peck their lips, and to Jurina amusement, the usually quiet rena has given the best reaction ever, eyes widened, eyebrows twisted
Jurina don’t even know how to describe Rena expression at that time, but she swore on her hearth, that she would like to see that expression over and over again
Jurina was just a junior high school student, that happen to be the said genius idol and a center of SKE48, everyone pampered her, and she takes everything for granted… Rena is not an exception.
Rena always kind to Jurina, but as cute and kind Rena can be, Rena also has became one of a very few who could draw the line for the young ace, and this is very important, because Jurina has spend almost all of her time with the group, far more than with her own family.
During this time, Rena has became an exalted existence for Jurina.
But she was just a kid.. a bratty puppy kid … yet to understand the warm feeling on her chest whenever she is with the other matsui
For Jurina, its all fun and game, of course also failed to notice that the other matsui, has long develop a certain feeling for the young ace
Matsui Rena, a very personal person, has never intend to do anything with her feeling towards the younger matsui
Mostly because of how much their age differ, but then the other matsui just keep growing up, more beautiful… more charming… and more bold with her hobby of giving affection, the whole wmatsui campaign don’t help her at all either… and it just too hard… too hard…
Jurina was 15, when the wmatsui are alone in the dressing room, and the young ace as always, playfully tried stole another kiss from her favorite pair of lips, the one lips that makes her heart beat the most.
Rena don’t know whats gotten into her when she suddenly pinned the younger girl to the wall, and return the kiss… not a playful cute kiss…a passionate kiss
Took Jurina by surprise, but somehow, its all feels so right… like it was meant to be. not taking long for Jurina to return the favor with even more passion
still after, Jurina still lost in defining her relationship with Rena.
Rena still as distant as ever, even more than before. Jurina has never given the chance to call Rena her lover, or her girlfriend, they could ignored each other for days, and then one day just end up with a raging kiss
They have ‘cheated’ on each other (Jurina not even sure if cheating is a right term on their relationship) but never long before back to seeks comfort on each other warmth, shares a bed on cold nights.
they fight, screaming words they know they would regrets to each other, crying, and then make out on the couch
It’s a roller coaster mess, but they keep rotating around each other, Jurina keep coming back, for no one else could makes Jurina feels like what she feel when she is with Matsui Rena
Its all complicated… so complicated….
But Jurina know … that dawn, when she awaken by the call from the older matsui, and widen up right away to the news delivered… Jurina know, its not even worth to be spoken
Its always there between the lines all these years they have spend together, that when Matsui Rena decide to graduate from SKE48, their complicated relationship would also ended without even ever being properly started
6 whole years of her youth, Jurina growing up with Rena always at her side, how she is suppose to life without her?
When its in a bricks of gone by, the young ace hearth finally realize, just how deep she has falling in love with Matsui Rena
— —- —
Her name, is matsui Jurina
Its been more than a year, but Jurina still find it, especially on rainy days like these, when the rhythm of the rain easily sweep her mind to wander, Rena face would still draws perfectly on her head
Along with how much she has let her go wasted when she plays around with other girls, never too worried because she knows that Rena would still be there
And how now that she realize, that Rena never tried to tied her, because she knows exactly that the young ace are not ready to be tied, that the young ace still enjoyed seeking things, and it would just hurt them both
Jurina heart is aching, for regrets …
For all the things she should have done when she still had the change …
If only she could turn back the time…
If only she could go back to the time she first kiss the older matsui, and do it right, to start over again, to convince the other matsui of her love, to give all her affection only to her
All of these thought has tantalizing Jurina ever since Rena gone, gone for good
Not even replying or answering her phone
Rena wishes are clear; for Jurina, for both of them, to move on with their life.
But Jurina, over whelmed with regrets, has find a hole that just feels bigger and bigger on her heart
Jurina tried… she had tried so hard to filled the void in her chest, with countless other girl, with tons of new love… its useless ..it is stupid and useless…love could never be forced
The rain has stop and the van has arrive, to a hotel near a coast line.
Jurina had a free time until the job next morning, and decide to take a stroll along the sandy beach.
Maybe because the night almost fall, or the strong wind, the beach is empty.
Jurina find a firm rocks and seat on it, find herself immerse on her thought watching the waves hit the sand in a constant relaxing beat.
The SKE ace play a song from her phone, and not even a second needed to drift the young ace thought back to a certain memory, of a certain someone
The sand grassing her feet, just like the last time she gone to the beach with SKE members, for rena farewell party
“Rena… please… I”
why cant she said it
‘Rena, I love you, please dont leave me’
The words stopped at her throat, as the older matsui walks away from her sight
Jurina has crying for the whole week, doesnt even know how she is not die drying after all the tears she shed
And that day on the beach are not an exception, she has warned herself to not cried, to send rena with a big smile.
To deliver the words she has failed to said properly all the 6 years they have spend together, for all the love and the affection the older girl pouring on her, and that she had let go on wasted
Jurina throw her gaze to the horizon in the far of the sea, wondering, will she ever be in love again? with a giant hole in her hearth, will she capable to love again with her crippled heart?
Jurina jolted on her spot, is her mind has wander too far and now plays trick on her? just now, she could hear a voice saying–
“I said you will, don’t worry”
Now Jurina find her self trembled, is she finally lost it?? Jurina could pictured a news paper front page ” akb front line girl went crazy”, she indeed hearing something—
“Yes grandma, i said you will get all the souvenir you asked, don’t worry, i remember them clearly, see you soon, bye”
And matsui Jurina, dumb folded, with a mouth half open, gazing at a girl a walking a few meters behind her, putting her phone off
Realize being stared, the girl stop, then quickly bow politely
“M-matsui san?? sorry if i am bothering you”
“No no its okay…” Jurina return the bow
“Im glad if I am not bothering you” the girl bow again, and start walk away
But then to her own surprise, Jurina find herself catching the girl arms, stoping her from leaving
“Matsui…jurina san?” the girl could not hide her surprise from the sudden moves
Jurina, surprised with her own action, blurted words in return “…err .. where do you wanna go?”
“Back to the hotel, the sky start darken, it might be start raining again soon”
Jurina look at the sky, she might be right
“Do you mind if we back to the hotel together?”
“Of course not”
The two then walk side by side back to the hotel, the other girl taking some distant from her SKE senpai, Jurina tried to start conversation, but its also clear that the girl is a shy person
Just half way back, the sky suddenly brighten, the girl then unleash a very bright smile that totally contradicting her fidgeting self a minute ago who cant even look at Jurina eyes when they talk
“Jurina san! look, the sun !”
The beautiful sunset that was shadowed by the dark cloud, slowly appear as it gracefully shimmering into the ocean, pouring a magnificent reddened golden color into the sea
“Its so beautiful…” the girl said, unconsciously dance a little on her spot while watching the stunning scenery
“Yeah” but Jurina never know how beautiful was the sunset that day, as her eyes cannot stop gazing the girl face beside her, veiled by the golden ray , looks so magical
Almost a year has passed, when Jurina back to the same beach, a same job offer from the last time
Now that Jurina has became AKB48 top three member, her existence whenever the group perform has became more and more prominent.
The same rocks she sat on last year, Jurina sit there once again, with an earphone, and a same song, gazing at the same ocean.
A certain memory of a certain someone gotten into her immediately, the moment she spend on the beach with the ske members, saying a thank you that she really meant to say.
Same memories, same old song, same beach … but somehow, a different feeling.
There is no such thing as unlove someone, once you fall in love, you are bound to always will, or you never did in the first place.
Just like today, Jurina would forever miss all the precious time they have spend together, just like today, she would always will.
There would forever a place in Jurina’s hearth for her love to Rena, but as now she closed her eyes, all those memories has stop being something regretful, it has slowly became something to be grateful
The same girl that she met last year on the same beach, once again appear from behind her, only this time, Jurina has been spared from all the surprise
Jurina is the one who invited the girl to share the afternoon with her on that beach
Jurina moves a bit to give the girl some space to seat, and give the girl one of her ear phone, shared with her the song she heard, along with all the feelings within.
The two shared the upcoming sunset leaning on each other, the sunset indeed beautiful, but Jurina still missed half of it, her eyes has refuse to move from the face of the girl who lean on her
her name is Sakura, Miyawaki Sakura